October 29th, 2007
Definitely cuddly. K-lass, you were the hottest loin ever.
Halloween. If you’re a dude, you’re Elvis or a pimp. If you’re a chick, you’re an angel or a slut. If you’re me, you put on jeans and fake bling and wait for someone else to identify what your costume is.
We can all stop feeling shame […]
By Sara -- 4 comments
October 22nd, 2007
Oh, my friends, how we have erred. Three separate studies combine to inform us that we are wrong, and not just in that Healthbolt kind of way. Stretching doesn’t relieve soreness, insoles are a waste of money, and a positive outlook does nothing for your chance of surviving cancer.
First, stretching either before or after exercising […]
By Sara -- 5 comments
October 9th, 2007
Lake Havasu.
So there’s an amoeba that feeds on your brain, and my sources tell me it’s pretty much everywhere. This amoeba enters through your nose, takes up residence in your cerebral matter, and gets busy munching. Then, you die.
As if you needed another reason to avoid Lake Havasu, the amoeba has sprouted up […]
By Sara -- 1 comment
September 22nd, 2007
Um, guys?
When a distraught Venezuelan woman arrived at the morgue to identify her dead husband, she was overjoyed to learn he was still alive - albeit with a bit of a nick from the pathologist’s blade. The man was merely unconscious when the medical examiners began the autopsy by first cutting into his face. The […]
By Sara -- 3 comments
September 12th, 2007
Ever wondered how much your body is worth? Start planning now with the Cadaver Calculator!
The Cadaver Calculator asks you a series of questions, including whether you are fit or obese, if you’re a lil smokey or not, how much liquor you quaff, if you are an albino (hey), and if you ever eat anything remotely […]
By Sara -- 3 comments
September 5th, 2007
Seriously, people, you know better.
An Austrian woman lived with her deceased aunt’s body in her home for a year, continuing to collect the 96-year-old woman’s pension while Auntie “slumbered” under a blanket in the bedroom. Apparently, the niece could not afford the funeral and burial expenses. Death is expensive.
This isn’t the only case of […]
By Sara -- 3 comments
August 22nd, 2007
Where are my f*#@ing wings?!?
A 28-year-old motocross racer downed 8 Red Bulls in 5 hours to flood his body with adrenaline in the hopes of having a better shot at winning. Instead, he had a heart attack and nearly died.
Red Bull advises consumers not to drink more than two cans in a 24-hour period, […]
By Sara -- 14 comments
August 15th, 2007
Western Diet Is Unhealthy!
This is news? Yes, my little curmudgeons, primarily because the latest study has established a link between junk food favorites and colon cancer recurrence. French fries, burgers and shakes (and pretty much all the other fried favorites) are bad for us. Fortunately, we at least have junk food that isn’t. The only […]
By Sara -- 1 comment
August 2nd, 2007
It happens. Here’s how to make it out alive:
1. Remain calm. Your chances are good.
2. Get out quickly! Unfasten your seat belt immediately. This is the major reason victims don’t survive. Get the window or door opened asap.
3. The window is your friend. Electric windows? Keep a screwdriver or hammer in your glove box, […]
By Sara -- 5 comments
July 26th, 2007
Methuselah is going to be l-i-v-i-d.
According to the latest immortality research (oh, it is a field), the possibility of a person making it to their first millennium is not only possible - it’s almost guaranteed that such a person is already alive right now. Of course, philosophical debates are raging, but everyone agrees that perhaps […]
By Sara -- 42 comments
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