Healthbolt

A Little Love for the Guys: Why Do Girls Get All Crazy Sometimes?

by Sara Ost on July 2nd, 2007

Now I am not talking about genuine crazy, like the guy down at the corner of Sunset Blvd. who conducts an imaginary choir. I am not even talking about the people with crazy eye.

What I am talking about is hormone crazy. Time of the month crazy. Don’t you dare ask me if it’s my time of the month crazy. MAYBE I AM JUST LEGITIMATELY ANGRY, YOU JERK (cue crying).

You’re sitting there together watching Colbert and you’re poking your girl’s squish like any other day, just ‘cuz. Normally she just pushes your hand away and tells you to stop touching her fat (all two ounces of it) but today, for some reason, touching her indicates that you clearly think she is obese and do not love her or find her attractive. Why else would you be touching her? Obviously you are breaking up with her. Fine, she can do better anyway. What, you’re Mr. Perfect with your gut and receding hairline?

Panic buttons are popping all over your brain. What happened? Where did it go wrong? Does this mean I will not get to touch her later? No! Not the crying! Sh*t! Must make it stop. Must make it stop. One minute everything was fine. You were totally content to be eating the meal she prepared, thoughtfully not drawing attention to the burned edges and more importantly the lack of meat, just minding your own business pestering her anatomy, and all was well in girlfriendland. And then you said something really, really insensitive, like: “Come here.” You poor fool. You are no match for estrogen.

Hormones are brutal, and we all have ‘em. If they get screwed up, either by a stupid lifestyle habit or genetics (or both), life can truly suck. Cortisol? Hello, gut. Serotonin? Hello, depression. Testosterone? Hello, prison. Estrogen? Hello, crazy.

Gentlemen, allow me to offer up a fresh perspective. Everybody goes crazy now and then, so why not learn about all the possible reasons why? We’ll all feel better. Give your girl a big, fat drink with an umbrella in it, take her down to the gyno, and learn about the IUD. It will not be the most pleasant girl doctor trip (not like those trips are ever really fun). But it may just be a wonderful thing. I’ll explain:

Birth control pills are the most popular way of preventing your own real-life version of Knocked Up (in which you cannot ever hope to get Katherine Heigl). For some women, taking extra hormones actually helps to balance them out over the course of the month, which is great. Plenty of lucky chicas never have any hormone swings even when Aunt Flo is in town. This is just my own private observational “study”, but I have found that for a lot of women, taking birth control hormones creates serious anxiety issues, mood swings, and, well, crazy (not to mention all the regular side effects the FDA warns you about, like cancer and blood clots).

Hormones are a big deal, but we pop them like it ain’t no thing. I happen to know that birth control has decimated many a potentially awesome – and expensive – vacation. We live in a society that is very reliant on pills for everything, from pain to weight loss to contraception. But there is a very common, very safe alternative you might not know about. I didn’t, either, until a friend told me. She discovered that what she thought was her “moody personality” was actually just her birth control pills. She had been taking them for ten years – since the age of 16 – so she figured the moody mama routine was just her adult personality. We’re so used to birth control pills, it doesn’t occur to a lot of us that perplexing episodes of “crazy” might have an alternative. They just don’t tell you about it. It’s the IUD.

Now, the IUD (intra-uterine device, ick, I know) is an incredibly popular little gadget over in Europe. You know, that place where they have healthcare and way fewer teen pregnancies. The IUD comes in a few varieties: the kind with hormones and the kind without. Both types are more effective than birth control, have fewer side effects, and last for anywhere from 3 to 10 years (you pick). You (well, your lady) cannot see it, feel it, or even really remember it. It can be dangerous, but very rarely, and it won’t cause cancer. We don’t use IUDs much in America because the first kind had a defect, and it created a scare, and don’t you know Big Pharma was all over that with the glorious benefits of birth control pills. Yeah, right.

I’m not saying birth control pills are terrible for all women. They’re great for some women. I am also not suggesting you inform your girl she is nuts. That won’t go over too well. But if y’all are in a monogamous relationship, and she feels like an emotional poopmuffin half the time, and it’s not because she’s got a nasty boss or is suffering from depression (or suffering from you), maybe birth control isn’t so great for her. Look into some alternatives. The IUD has a better pregnancy prevention rate and is actually safer than the pill, and even the hormone version is cool because, duh, it’s localized. The IUD won’t prevent STDs, so don’t be an idiot. But remember, the pill doesn’t prevent those nasty things, either.

Just check it out.

(No IUD company asked me/paid me to write this.)

That is me! Hi!

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POSTED IN: Boys & Girls, Medicine, On the Other Hand, Review, Sex