Busting Common Wisdom: How to Actually Stop a Nose Bleed
- Don’t tilt your frickin’ head back! (Why does everyone do this?) This can lead to nasty complications such as choking on your own blood.
- Don’t lay down. Keep your head above your heart. This is kind of a no-brainer. Ever heard of gravity?
- Don’t “hold your nose” (think going off the high-dive.) This can fill your nose with congealed blood.
- Do lean forward. This keeps blood off your Pumas.
- Now, squeeze your nose just below the bridge for 10 minutes. And I mean for a real ten minutes: don’t let go every 10 seconds to see if it has stopped. It hasn’t, and now you have to start over.
- Apply pressure for the full 10 minutes and… Voila! no more nose bleed. (If bleeding persists after really applying pressure for 10 minutes, seek secondary aid. You need it.)
Bonus: Should you be experiencing your bleed after consuming a massive pile of nose-candy, you’re “bleeding out”.
- Call 911, flush the snow, and hope you’re not as completely %$#@ as you probably are.
- Get a new hobby.
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