Healthbolt

Spank on Spandex…

by Wade Meredith on August 1st, 2006

Welcome to our latest feature: Spank On…

Spank, is a Monkeroo* that lives with Shandra and Clint Chapman and will be sharing his observations in his column, Spank On…. (musings that will make your triathlon life easier)

In his short life, Spank has seen many things, but even for such extensive travels he has seen a disturbingly large quantity of spandex; a quite disproportionate amount in fact… and so goes the life of a triathlete (or of a Monkeroo that is lodging with triathletes).

For Spank, this spandex sighting is both good and bad. The good: hot chicks in spandex. The bad: other chicks in spandex. And, lest we forget, Spank would like to remind everyone that men’s Speedos are also made of that same basic material (in case there is any debate: Speedos fall into the “bad” category).

There are many a-spandex sin committed among triathletes, but Spank, being a liberal, thumbs up on all if-it-makes-you-happy-and-don’t-hurt-no-one-activities kind of Monkeroo, says “to each his own!”.

If you are biking or triathlon-ing, you gotta wear the spandex, and more power to the people that wear it for love of the sport despite less than perfect presentation. Spandex is more comfortable and downright essential when swimming is included in your race.

So today, with a side note that even the most attractive specimen of man and woman can fall pray to the evils of unattractive spandex, Spank would like to stand up and say, “get over yourself,” and encourage every sporty girl and boy to proudly step into a pair of tighty-tight lycras!

Spank Ranker:

Here are Spank’s three fave tri-shorts, ranked against each other…

DeSoto Tri Shorts:

Style – 2 out of 3

Comfort – 2 / 3

Price – 2 / 3 (about $50)

Spank Says: I’d take a free pair (1 star)

Zoot Tri Shorts:

Style – 2 out of 3

Comfort – 3 / 3

Price – 1 / 3 (about $60)

Spank Says: I’d wear them for a ride in Catina’s bikini top (2 stars)

Sugoi Tri Shorts:

Style – 1 out of 3

Comfort – 3 / 3

Price – 3 / 3 (about $40)

Spank Says: I’d put them in my pouch (3 stars)

Bike shorts =thick pad, Tri shorts =VERY thin pad, Running shorts= NO pad
Spank Presents… “Should You Care To Know”

DuPont first introduced Spandex in 1958. Spandex is a synthetic fiber made of at least 85% polymer polyurethane. Polymers are a class of chemicals that are often known as plastics. Most chemicals are made of molecules, but polymers have long chain molecules that are much larger than most molecules. They are formed from smaller molecules that combine to form chains. The “poly” part of the name means “many.” The molecules tangle like strands of spaghetti, giving special properties. (courtesy of Science Theatre)

Spandex…

* can be stretched over 500% without breaking

* able to be stretched repetitively and still recover original length

* lightweight

* abrasion resistant

* poor strength, but stronger and more durable than rubber

* soft, smooth, and supple

* resistant to body oils, perspiration, lotions, and detergents

* no static or pilling problems

Technorati Tags: spandex, monkeroo, triahtlon, gear, clothing, review, shorts, bike

* a Monkeroo is a monkey with a kangaroo pouch… if anyone hasn’t guessed, Spank is a stuffed monkey onto which Shandra pinned a pouch… not a living animal.

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POSTED IN: Gear, Misc., Spank On..., Triathlon, Your Body